This One

I've been feeling a little guilty lately that I haven't given equal blog coverage to this one:



Believe me, I'm the queen of equal coverage.
Just ask my mom. She probably gets a little annoyed that I'm always checking to make sure that each grandchild has an equal number of portraits on display at her house.
I try to count them subtly. I promise.
And yes, I follow the same rule in my own home with my own kids. Come on over and count them. You're welcome any time.

I'm realizing tonight that Anna-rene has been getting the short end of the stick here. But if you knew my heart, you'd see that lately, she's been taking up most of the room in there.

It's been a tricky few months with this girl.
She's opened up a whole new world to me. A world filled with therapy sessions, anti-anxiety exercises and breathing techniques to combat the ill side-effects of stress. A world full of intense emotions and feelings that a young 7 year old shouldn't be having to sort through.

Where is this all coming from?
It's a question I've asked myself more times than I can count over the past few months. I've even had to sort through my own emotions as I've battled with the guilt that I somehow caused this unhealthy sort of perfectionism/anxiety/empathy mindset that my sweet girl is dealing with.


But I know the truth.
That's just the way God wired her.

The good news is, she has now "graduated" to one therapy session every 2 weeks.
AND this is the 1st Thursday night in months that she hasn't sobbed with angst about the upcoming Math test the next day. The math test that, mind you, she almost always gets 100% on.

We're taking the small victories now and celebrating those with great joy!

On another note:
I'm really struggling with her Christmas list this year. It's full of things that, quite frankly, I just don't want to get. And I know if she reads this, which I'm sure she will (Hi Sweetie! Mommy loves you!) it will break her heart. And that's the thing I most want to avoid.
So I'm just going to have to suck it up and get her what she wants. Not what I want her to want.
After all, I did ask her to make a list.
I just didn't expect it to include Paperoni and Bendaroos and Chixos.
Look them up. I dare you.
And if you have young children you'll understand that just thinking about those things makes my head swirl with thought of tiny pieces in every crevice of my home.
Not to mention what my toddler will do with them.
I already know that his digestive system does absolutely nothing to confetti.
Sorry.
You asked.
Oh wait. You didn't ask.

Do you want to know what else is on her list?
And I quote:
laptop (a real one. I'm not kidding)

Maybe I need to make sure that she's clear this is merely a "wish list."
Okay. I'll probably give in to the Paperoni or the Bendaroos.
But I draw the line at a puppy.
I'm just going to pretend I didn't even see it on her list.